Thursday, 5 January 2012

Thursday 5.1.12

Well we still have not heard the result of the bone marrow test and despite originally feeling like did not matter it has suddenly turned into a big thing and a big wait! If the result is good then Harry still needs to get rid of the cancer in his bones, which only the scan in feb. will show. I think up until now the path has been about Harry starting treatment, just managing the initial process and coming to terms with our current situation. However,now we are half way and tests are being redone I am now getting agitated about the results and if we can move forward I.e the tumour can come out. Today has been a blip in particular for me and tears have not been far away. I guess knowing about theories on transitions and dealing with change then it is normal to go backwards and forwards on acceptance of a situation and going backwards to not denial cos that is not so, but I think feelings of grief best describe it.
I did contact the McMillan nurse who is fab and coming to talk to us tomorrow.
Harry is doing so well and even went to nursery for a couple of hours today with his granny. This is fantastic and also good for his friends to see him too. He is going to go again tomorrow for a couple of hours,but has to be a masterminded plan so as to covertly get Harry and granny in without Callum seeing otherwise he will want to join them and then come home with them! So a bit like 007 I think I will see if they can park round the back and go in the back entrance and afterwards they will have to exit at lightning speed!
I think seeing Harry so well makes it hard in away, which will sound strange! I think that we see we have Harry back, which makes it harder to think we could lose him. In a way it feels like "bullseye" where the catch phrase was and look at what you could have won! Usually a speed boat where the couple lived no where near the sea!
Anyhow, as said we are in the middle of his treatment and so we feel very vulnerable as to whether he will meet his milestones as hoped. He is well, though as we speak this is the second time he has awoken tonight! So wondering if his blood count is dropping again as he seems to get unsettled at night when this happens or it could just be his cold. He's back in hospital sat anyhow for more chemo.
Well Callum continues to be a typical 2 year old and showed a good chunk of Otley this by having an almighty tantrum in boots the chemist! Everyone had eyes on us, glad we could produce some entertainment! It was all because I would not let callum run around with the tooth brush he had unpackaged hang out of his mouth! I was about to pay and he ran off tooth brush in his mouth, I dragged him back and pinned him between my legs, whilst paying. Then he would not get out of the store! He thrashed around the floor and it was all I could do to stop him hitting his head on the shelves! Paul was having his hair cut and afterwards came into boots to see if we were there. Oh yes. He heard us before he saw us! Me knelt on the floor struggling with Callum with all eyes on us. All because of a bloody tooth brush!
Oh well, we all survive for another day!

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