Fly High Harry!

Harry lost his long and courageous fight with cancer at 7.40pm on Tuesday 8 th April. Harry remained in bed all day on Tuesday, a first! He was incredible settled and slept the entire day. He didn't speak to us and wasn't able to squeeze our hand anymore. We knew he was in the very end stages of his life with us. We had a very quiet day with Harry and between the continuing care nurse in the morning, daddy and myself, we took it in turns to sit with Harry. Daddy and I both told him how brave he has been and what an amazing son he has been, but told him, the time had come for him to fly high up into the sky and leave his body that didn't work anymore. We told him it was time for him to find that special place where he will get a new body and where he can run as fast as he can. 

Harry's breathing changed late afternoon and became more laboured. At 6pm he became a bit distressed by his inability to breath well and so I contacted our McMillan nurse Julie White, who told me to administer some oral medazelam. This calmed him down and he became settled again. Julie came straight from the hospital to be with us, to ensure Harry remained settled. Whilst at our house she contacted the consultant at Martin House re drugs etc to keep Harry comfortable. 

We had been told that as Harry's body shut down, his feet and hands would go cold. I asked Julie White if this stage was sometimes missed out and she said no, not usually. However, Harry chose to defy everybody again and skipped this stage! 

Between 7pm and 7.40pm his breathing became more laboured and when he took his last breath I was holding his hand and Julie White was in the room too. It was just as I had hoped, very peaceful and with me by his side. Daddy was downstairs keeping Callum company, they were watching Cars 2, the movie. With them only downstairs, it meant daddy could come and say goodbye and then we got Callum in to see his brother. I have been reading animal stories with Callum over the last few days, that deal with dying and then remembering the decased! In fact only the previous  evening had I read 'always and forever' with Callum. A story about fox being, pale and thin and ill, just like Harry. I spoke to Callum re the similarities between fox and Harry. Callum said that Harry wasn't going to die and when I asked him why, he said because he didn't want him to. I had to confirm to Callum that Harry was going to die. Callum heard what I was sayng, but wasn't upset, with his 4 year old head on his shoulders he wasn't quite able to compute this, but he understood the story and liked the fact that fox's friends sat on a Bench at the end remembering all the fun things they did together.

When we took Callum to see Harry, he kissed him and laid next to him in the bed. I made sure he was aware that Harry was dead forever. Callum sobbed and spoke between tears of his loss of anyone to play with. He spoke of the loss of his brother. I felt this was very healthy for Callum and we just held him as we all shed tears for Harry.

As it was late by the time a doctor had been out to confirm Harry's death, we decided to stay at home with Harry until the morning. Julie White, helped me wash Harry and change him into some fresh clothes. The T-shirt I put him in is his favourite, it is a dusty planes one with the words 'the sky is calling'. This felt extremely appropriate. It is the t - shirt that ben,Suzanne, Adam and Flynn had bought him for his 6 th birthday!

Forever 6 Harry my beautiful boy, now you are no longer in pain. Fly high. 

We love you to the stars and back and a zillion times round the world, always and forever.

X